Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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