I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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