my mouth tastes like poor choices
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
