I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
