Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
