you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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