I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
