Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
