Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
