I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
