It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
