I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
