i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
