I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Barsexuality is the new black.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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