He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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