no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
