Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
