apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
