I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
