WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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