she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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