YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
