I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
