Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
