she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
