You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
