Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize