Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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