I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
