I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
