just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
