I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
