There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
