it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
