She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
