there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
