North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
