I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
