I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
