I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
