im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
