I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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