It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
