I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
