tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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