therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
