I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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