Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize