Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Please don't give away my fajitas
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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