I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
smell my finger.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
