I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if only i could text you this smell
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
