We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
