It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
