I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
