note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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