I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
