I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize