I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
