I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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