No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
