You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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