dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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