If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
