I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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